Wednesday, August 18, 2010

What is this world coming to?

Today, I'd like to discuss one of the articles from an extremely important magazine: Men's Health. It's so trustworthy in fact, I'd use it to keep a coffee table with one short leg from wobbling any day. Now I know what you're thinking, it would probably be better suited as kindling for a campfire, but the plastics in the cover give off noxious fumes.

Speaking of noxious things, let's get down to the article titled "Party Cheer, with Beer." What travesty could be contained under so innocuous a title? Something so vile, so perverse, profane and corrupted that it can be summed up with the simple name: beer cocktails. We've touched on this before, with my nemesis beer Chelada ("we're not done with you yet, Chelada!")

I don't think I can give you the recipes from the article straight out, since it might be some kind of copyright infringement, but let's use two of their drinks as examples:

The "Muddy Puddle"
This abomination contains peanuts, espresso, bourbon, and Sierra Nevada. That sounds more like the contents of the bar towel at an Italian restaurant than a drink. The amount of money you'd have to pay me to even try this beer is somewhere in the neighborhood of $11.50, or what it probably costs in the Manhattan restaurant where it is served (yeah, I'll taste almost anything.) I think Drew Carrey made Buzz Bear (Beer + Coffee) as a joke on his show in the mid nineties. Now it's here. What's next, beer and red bull? Probably...

The "Lucky Dreidel"
This beer is supposed to combine many Jewish cultural stereotypes, just like Seinfeld's old show. It has Manischewitz wine, cider vinegar, He'Brew IPA, and Hanukkah gelt. I don't want to bash anybody's personal preferences, but that wine is almost as horrible as that beer, which itself is pretty horrible. I can't imagine the marriage of the two produces anything palatable, unless the reaction neutralizes all the cultural flavors into noodle kugel or bagels with lox (which I happen to love!)

Let's go out on a limb here and help that Manhattan restaurant (Joedoe) out with a new recipe of our own:

A Tale of Two Brewer's "Brooklyn Cocktail"
Combine 8 oz. Old English 40oz Malt Liquor with 1 oz. Popov Vodka. Pour it over a pizza slice into a glass, and add some Nuts for Nuts to garnish. Goes great with a street vendor Sabrets.

Let me know how it tastes!

2 comments:

  1. Hey Nick. This is Zak from Shmaltz Brewing Company, the makers of HE'BREW Beer. Sorry you're not a fan. Have you tried the beers recently? We're up to about a dozen now and I'm sure we could find one that you'd enjoy. I actually tried making the Lucky Dreidel, and you're right, no winner. I'd definitely stay away from that concoction, but hope you'll take another try of our beer and see if you like it any more this round. L'Chaim! ~Zak

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  2. Aww man, now I feel like a jerk. I had the Genesis Ale a few years ago, when we were buying mixed six packs in college. I generally try not to give bad reviews to any craft breweries, but I should have been more careful with my off-handed remark. I was so disgusted by the "Lucky Driedel" concoction that I think I was overly dramatic (and unfair.)

    It's possible the bottle of He'Brew I had wasn't stored properly, or I am misremembering.

    I'd be happy to do a full review of one of the other He'Brew beers; I'll pick up a couple and keep an open mind. Thanks for reading!

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